Do You Despise Telemarketers?

I know. What in the WORLD are you doing Steven? What do telemarketers have to do with Night Photography?

Well, nothing except that they have been impacting my phone usage.

I have raised over $15,000 for charitable causes by suing illegal telemarketers in small claims court in California.  You can too. Or if you’d rather you can put the money in your own pocket.  But I’m not going to try to explain in this article how you should go about suing telemarketers.  The rules and restrictions vary from state to state and court to court.  Some web searching will land you on various sites – I have listed a few below for your convenience.

I want to give you some advice on how to reduce the chance that you will get telemarketed, or reduce the telemarketing you do get (as well as collect the necessary information to prosecute the vermin). But first I need to explain the four kinds of telemarketers.

Four Kinds of Telemarketers

  1. Groups who HAVE a business relationship with you and are legally allowed to call you for their own fun and profit.
  2. Exempt charities, political parties and “survey takers”.
  3. Boneheads.
  4. Scumbags.

Getting them To Stop

It is very easy to turn a type One telemarketers into type Three.  When they call you merely say: “Please place this number on your DO NOT CALL list – and if you are telemarketing for any other division, affiliate, company or agency I wish to be on THAT DO NOT CALL list also.”  You can reinforce that with “I wish to receive no telemarketing calls of any kind, is that clear?”  But say it nice and friendly-like.  There is little point in being ugly.  By the way, if you are an AT&T customer and tell ATT to put you on the do not call list, they are still allowed to call you about your account – just not to call you to tell you about their wonderful new service that you will find irresistable (and of course expensive).

Notice that I am saying to put my number ON a list not to take a number off a list!  If you use the correct specific language it has a legal meaning under the Telephone Consumer Protection Act Laws.  If you don’t use the second phrase about affiliates telemarketing firms can literally add your name to the Sears Do Not Call List while simultaneously putting you in the rotation for OTHER companies to call you.  It’s also why you do not want to be ugly about it.  Another great tactic is to ask them to send you a written copy of their Do Not Call Policy. If they don’t do so within 30 days, you have a $500 violation to sue against.

Charities, political parties, and “survey takers” are not obligated to stop calling you.  So my favorite tactic with them is to say. “I do not take part in surveys of any kind. You should add me to your Do Not Call list. If I continue to be called I will do my best to skew your statistics with complete lies as answers.”  Some surveys are really marketing ploys in disguise. Sometimes its really fun to play with the phony survey people until they tip their hand.

My experience is that most “boneheads” will indeed stop calling you. You can tell the difference between a bonehead and a scumbag. The ordinary telemarketer (bonehead) will do what they are legally required to do when you ask them who they are: they will TELL you who they are.  Scumbags will hang up, avoid the question, or equivocate.

How To Avoid Being Called in the First Place

Do Not Disclose!

It might seem obvious, but do not disclose your real phone number where it doesn’t make sense to. Even if they ask nicely.  If it is online, you can use the 555 number method – or the POPCORN (old time and temperature). But be careful. Do NOT pick random numbers or you will cause telemarketing anguish to a random person and your bad karma will haunt you.  Instead try getting e.g. a Google VOICE number and give that number out, not your real number.  When I strongly suspect that a site is going to abuse my number, I may give them the number for the 24 hour recorded visitors hotline at a state prison.

Do Not Answer

Unless you plan to log the call, often it is best to just not answer – especially if the number is not recognizable.  Some automated systems merely dial “plausible numbers” at random hoping to get hits.  If you answer they know your number is VALID. (Same thing applies to spam Email – if you answer or open foreign email you are unwittingly verifying that a human reads email at that address.)

Do NOT Call Back

Many caller ID numbers (and ALL 800, 866 and 877 numbers) send your phone number to the person you are calling EVEN if you have blocked your number.  If you want to test a suspicious number, use Skype so that you’re not giving them your real phone number! Telemarketers can claim that your call to their 800 number is evidence that you were indeed interested in their subsequent calls.

Play the Keep Them On the Line Game

If you think you may end up suing them (or want to), be as pleasant as possible. Engage them. Feign interest in their worthless products. Your goals are twofold:

  1. Know that the longer you tie them up, the less opportunity they have to disturb the next victim (my record is 43 minutes to a caller from India).
  2. You need at least to collect their business name, and address to sue them.  Most of the scumbag telemarketers will NEVER give you any of that unless you convince them that you really DO want to get a 17% mortgage because you’re desperate.  Once you can talk to someone who PAID for that scumbag telemarketer to call you have a target for your law suit. The scumbag telemarketing firms are selling leads to often unsuspecting companies whom you are legally permitted to sue and unfortunately OBLIGATED to sue to get the calling to stop.  And despite what they say, most of them KNOW that their telemarketers are shady illegal operators.

Know How the Dialing Game Works

I am ashamed to admit it, but I have some patents on predictive dialers. What these devices do is have a computer do all the dialing. The computer – not a human – then listens for a human voice followed quickly by a pause.  Why? Because what do you do when you answer the phone? You say something like “Hi, this is Steven.” or “Smith and Wesson Enterprises, how can I direct your call?” Once the computer detects voice followed by a pause it transfers the call to an agent (if they aren’t using an automated message, that is).  Ever notice how sometimes you answer and there is a long pause before someone on the other end speaks?  Yeah, it’s because there was no PERSON on the line until a second or so after you stopped speaking!

If the human voice goes on much longer than normal for a greeting the computer assumes it has reached an answering machine and will just hang up and schedule you for another call.

So.. I recommend:

  1. Have an answering machine with a SHORT message. “Hi, this is Steven, leave me the good news.”
  2. When doing battle, answer with a short and peculiar phrase. “He’s dead, Jim.” or “Hi, my name is Princess Jasmina” (if you’re a guy). If the call was made by a computer, the human will never have heard that. If they did hear it, they are probably a bonehead, not a scumbag.  Recently I answered with “you realize you’re an idiot, right?”  The caller had no clue. They never heard it.

The point of doing the short phrase is to FORCE the computer to engage a person at the other end. Waste some of their time!  Another reason is if you’re being targeted by a system that leaves an “automated message” (illegal in California), you can often trick the system into leaving a recorded message on your answering machine which may come in handy in court.

If You Decide To Sue

First keep a log of your calls. I would recommend only using small claims court.  Not only is it cheaper and cost effective, but in the long run it will be more effective.  I assume you’re a little guy like me. If you want to put an end to raids by huge ornery bear (e.g. large moneyed up scumbag telemarketer), you have two choices for effective weapons: a large gun (big expensive attorney), or a bee sting.  If the gun misses, the bear is going to win. But even a huge bear is no match for a swarm of angry bees – e.g. little guys like you and me.


There are lots of places on the internet.  The phrases “suing” and “telemarketer” gets lots of hits.

Best of Luck!


8 thoughts on “Do You Despise Telemarketers?

  1. Steven Christenson

    By the way, you do NOT have to be on the Do Not Call list to file a small claims suit. The most common causes of action (reasons to sue) are the following:

    1. Failure to state the callers name (they are permitted to use an alias).
    2. Failure to state the name of the business.
    3. Failure to state the address and phone number of the caller.
    4. Failing to send a “Do Not Call Policy” upon request and within 30 days.
    5. Failure to train a telemarketing agent.
    6. Failure to add you to a Do Not Call List upon request.
    7. Calling again after being placed on the business’ Do Not Call List

    EACH of the above is a $500 violation. And most courts will triple damages to $1500 each if you can show that the caller has knowingly or willfully violated the law – something that is usually easy to do by checking the many “whocalledme” databases.

  2. Dave Phemid

    All this info is fine and good except it has NO affect on “Off Shore” telemarketers. (most are located in the Philippines).
    They are not under the control of the FCC or any other controlling marketing branch of the government.
    My background is that of a Communications Engineer and a FCC License Examiner.

    1. Steven Christenson

      Actually, that’s not true. The offshore telemarketers will TELL you they are not required to abide by the law, but that’s not true. Moreover those off-shore telemarketers are usually calling on behalf of US companies who ARE liable for the conduct of their marketers. As I said, you sue the people who are making money from the call.

  3. Mark Toledo

    Another good option is to buy a device called the T-Lock Pro Call blocker. It has a 1500 number personal blacklist so you can hang up on these calls if they don’t stop.

  4. Tom Lair

    I’ve been a telemarketer for 30 years specializing in home improvements. There have been a lot of changes during that time, but you can still be successful with the proper attitude. Don’t let anyone get you down. Nobody can do anything to you if you are following the law. The people who are negative about telemarketers will say things to try to intimidate you, but they have no teeth if you are legal.

    1. Steven Christenson Post author

      Unfortunately, the “Home Improvements” market have been the worst scumbags of late. Endless relentless calls… with vague business names. They won’t give their contractor license numbers. Why not? I know why, because these are boiler companies that are trolling for leads to sell to businesses that buy them. If you’re that kind of telemarketer, Tom, it is just plain sad because chances are 85% that you are doing things “illegal”.
      99% of all calls I receive are “illegal” telemarketers. I have no business relationship with them and am on the Federal Do Not Call list. I usually tell them “great. I might be interested in your product if I could trust you. But you are calling in violation of the law… so clearly you are not trust worthy.”


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